We do not publish poetry

We do not publish poetry. Never have, never will. This is not because we have anything against poetry or poets. It's because we have limited experience and expertise of poetry, and there are plenty of other publishers - nationally and in the north east of England - that are much better equipped to publish it. So please do not send us poetry submissions via email or post. They will not be read, acknowledged or replied to. This is because do not publish poetry. Please do not come knocking on our office door with reams of poems under your arm and a sad story about how very difficult it was to find us. You will have wasted a journey, and it gets embarrassing for all concerned. Because we do not publish poetry. Please do not send us handwritten poems scrawled on the back of letters you have received from a local estate agent. It's unprofessional, and a little bit odd. And we do not publish poetry. Please do not call us up and ask us to come to your home to see your poetry because you are housebound, and then get really angry and quite abusive when we politely and quite patiently (even if I do say so myself) suggest some other avenues you might try. Because we do not publish poetry. And please, please, please do not send us audio CDs of yourself reading your poems in a strange monotone voice. Curiosity will make us listen to a few seconds of it, and then we'll have to spend a good 20 minutes or so laughing like drains, and we're really far too busy to do that. And anyway, we do not publish poetry.

Paul